Sorting out the finances on separation can be difficult no matter how fair and reasonable you wish to be. Every family’s circumstances are unique and a fair settlement should reflect each couple’s particular situation. Although there is no rule book about how this should be achieved, The Family Justice Council has published an extremely useful guide to help couples who wish to do some of the work themselves.

The guide is called ‘Sorting out Finances on Divorce’. It provides a summary of the law, and sets out the principles used by courts in making decisions. The guide may not take away completely the need for help from a mediator or solicitor but this background information will smooth the way for constructive negotiations. You can find the guide here – Sorting out Finances on Divorce.

27th February 2017

 

 

 

The 8 most important things children want their separated parents to know

Whenever I ask parents going through separation or divorce what their number one priority is, they usually say they want their children to be ok, to feel secure and to feel loved.  Sadly, in all the upheaval and upset of separating it’s very easy for parents to take their eyes off the ball and miss what their children need most from them. Having a good bond with your parents and reassurance that this won’t change is obviously important. What’s less obvious is that the quality of the relationship you have with your ex after separation can make a huge difference to how children adapt. If you think it doesn’t matter that you don’t get on with your ex and that your child doesn’t notice the atmosphere between you, you’d be wrong.

Having spoken to lots of children whose parents are living apart, I’d say that there are 8 key messages that children have to give to their parents. The messages are surprisingly simple and apply as much to 2 year olds as they do to 16 year olds.

1. Please don’t argue in front of us
2. We don’t like it when you criticise or bad mouth each other.
3. It makes us feel good when you get on.
4. We don’t have to worry so much if you talk together about things that affect us.
5. We need both of you and we like doing everyday things with each of you as well as the things that make us feel special.
6. Ask us what we want and listen to what we have to say.
7. We know you want to spend time with us but remember that we have a social life too and sometimes we want to spend time with our friends as well.
8. Separation affects us children differently, mostly we feel either sad or angry about not living together anymore but we can cope and get on with our lives if you can too.

One of the things that makes mediation such a good way for families to decide on future contact plans is that children can have their say too. If the parents agree, a specially trained mediator will listen to a child in their own private meeting. It’s made clear to everyone that children aren’t being asked to make decision because that’s the parents’ responsibility. Children do, however, want their views taken into consideration.

Sometimes their suggestions are unexpected. One little 9 – year old had thought long and hard about what she wanted to say. She hadn’t had the heart to tell her dad that when he did her hair it turned out lopsided and straggly. Her request was for mum to give dad a lesson in doing plaits!

Contact me about mediation- www.bdmediation.co.uk

New research: Quarter of British parents who live with their children ‘secretly consider divorce or separation

This cold weather makes us think of the holidays and taking a break with the children. When you’re a separated parent the negotiations about holidays can cause headaches.

Even worse, children can be caught in the middle of arguments about dates, locations, rights and responsibilities.  Here’s a quick guide to avoiding some common difficulties.

Do I need permission from the other parent to go abroad?

If both parents have parental responsibility you need the consent of the other parent to take the children abroad. If consent is refused then you would need to apply to court for permission. The situation is different when one parent has a Residence Order as they can take the child outside of the UK for up to a month without the written consent of the other parent.

However, in the best interests of everyone, it’s always preferable to agree the arrangements in advance. It’s also reasonable to provide details of the travel arrangements together with information about where you’ll be staying and how you can be contacted in an emergency

We can never agree on the dates!

Ideally you should start planning well in advance and definitely before you book anything. It makes it much easier for everyone if you can make an outline plan at the start of the school year of all the holidays and half terms if possible. Both parents put forward their preferred dates with explanations if necessary, for example, if your dates are restricted by work commitments. Hopefully, with a bit of give and take, you can agree dates that suit everyone.

Keeping things as fair and as friendly as possible creates a nice atmosphere around the holidays which the children will appreciate. So, if you get the weeks you want this year, be prepared to let your ex have first choice next year.

If you haven’t already decided about the summer holidays I’d start thinking about them now. Don’t make the mistake of booking a holiday without consulting the other parent. You might think it will save you having to negotiate but it just stores up problems for the future.

Am I entitled to take the children out of school to go on holiday?

Before September 2013, heads in England were able to grant up to 10 days of leave a year for family holidays in “special circumstances”. Now, they are only able to grant absence in term time if there are “exceptional circumstances”.

Be warned – research by BBC One’s Breakfast programme, suggests the number of fines issued increased by more than 70 per cent last Autumn Term.

If you get stuck on any of these mediation can be a great place to work it out. Happy holidays!

5.02.15

Changes are being made to family mediation funding which we expect to come into effect on 3 November 2014 and will affect financially ineligible parties.

Financially ineligible parties will be exempt from the financial means test in respect of the first mediation session where the other party is financially eligible for legal aid.

The Legal Aid Agency (LAA) will pay half a single session mediation fee for the first session only in relation to the ineligible party. This will be in addition to the relevant fee payable in respect of the financially eligible party.